Crabs

It's a little known fact that crabs are a creation of Satan. You see those crabs in that picture there? They're red! RED. Now, the red isn't the only thing that's evil about these CRABS. You see, they have pincers. And do you know what they do with those pincers?! I'm not really sure myself, but one thing's for sure, they hurt if they're around finger. And one last thing about these demonic creatures, they have holes that they live in! No one on this planet knows what they're doing in those EVIL holes, but it's most likely that they're plotting with Satan to take over the world. Don't forget that they're RED.

RED.

Do not under any circumstances perform any of the acts described below

Attempt to assassinate the king of a small village.
Sing praise to the Egyptian sun ghost or Space Ghost.
Marry an axe murderer.
Mispronounce any words found in the Necronomicon.
Trust anyone with the last name "Morgan".
Twist the Windex bottle caps halfway and then squirt them.
Name your first-born son Bickford Schmeckler.
Perform a spot-on impression of Sean Connery on live television while speaking to someone with the same first name as you.
Trust that walrus!

Trust me, bad things have happened to good people.