A notice for the fans,

I NEED A NEW AUTHOR! 
To anyone interested, just IM me. There are a few rules to posting that I'll explain to the winner.
Also I love you all!

Happy We Hate Seagulls Day!

In honor of those killed on September 11th, please shoot a seagull!*

*don't actually shoot any of these sorry evil bastards.
We could get sued, so, Shoot. Wink. Seagulls.

Under the rainbow

Deathly shadows, raining pale, when justice don't and won't prevail. Stealing business, losing cash, fade of interest, bernie mac. Left field antics, to and fro, petty semantics, shining glow.
And this I know took me over and beyond the rainbow. 

Happiness, disquiet love, readiness and treasure troves. Desert valleys, oasis hills, sold rotten teeth to pay the bills. Distrustfulness, undying love, one little kiss to rise above.
And this I know took me over and beyond the rainbow.

Do not under any circumstances perform any of the acts described below

Attempt to assassinate the king of a small village.
Sing praise to the Egyptian sun ghost or Space Ghost.
Marry an axe murderer.
Mispronounce any words found in the Necronomicon.
Trust anyone with the last name "Morgan".
Twist the Windex bottle caps halfway and then squirt them.
Name your first-born son Bickford Schmeckler.
Perform a spot-on impression of Sean Connery on live television while speaking to someone with the same first name as you.
Trust that walrus!

Trust me, bad things have happened to good people. 

The Axis of Satan

As you can tell from our many posts, we have a certain few grudges against certain.... groups.
These groups have become our enemies in highly varying ways, from killing a certain reporter's parents to stealing garbage and even causing 9/11.

"Seagulls were spotted right after the plane crashed. They were laughing and flapping those evil wings." ~ Rysmugen

In and around the blog, we've begun to refer to them as "The Axis of Satan", a name that inspires fear in the hearts of children and magicians everywhere, a name that strikes chaos into the heart of all the great cities and also New Jersey.

But never fear them, for they aren't even the worst of our nightmares, remember, there is always the walruses.

Raccoons stole my garbage

DEADBEAT BASTARDS!

 I understand that garbage is, in fact, garbage, but many times, I throw away such devices that ought not be thrown away, in violent clusterfucks my therapist likes to call "tantrums", and one such of these items was my iPad (mainly usable only as a serving plate) that ran me $500.
But then those damn raccoons stole it and probably took it to their evil little raccoon lairs and eat it.

Don't trust Raccoons, their little masks around their eyes are to protect their identities while they swindle you out of a good serving plate.