Five reasons why you suck if you didn't play Psychonauts

Recently, Double Fine Productions announced Costume Quest, an adventure-RPG coming to PSN and XBLA this halloween, and you know what? I'm honestly surprised that my favorite game studio is still around after the BOMB that Brutal Legend was. But Brutal Legend wasn't Double Fine's first flop, before Brutal Legend, there were the Psychonauts, psychically armed soldiers who can do shit with their minds, and you asshats let them die. 

#1: It's probably the best-written game ever (and that includes BioWare). 
Doctor Loboto: Little boy, I am sorry to say that you have a very serious mental problem. The trouble originates in this area here. The area that we in the medical profession like to refer to as... the brain! You see, son... it's just no good! I hate to be so blunt, but... you have the insanity... of a manatee!
Dogen: I know. People are always saying that. What do you think's wrong with my brain, doctor?
Doctor Loboto: How should I know, I'm a dentist. But here's what I do know: if a tooth is bad, you pull it!


I'm not really sure I have to say anything more about the quality of the writing, but the story fits quite well with this and is quite a mystery plot and each and every mind that you enter is atmospheric, intriguing and FUN to play through.
Also it sort've pioneered audio logs with slide shows that explains bits about the character who's mind you're in. And that's full of Kickassedness in and of itself.


#2: Its a platformer that isn't Mario. 

We all love you Mario, but there has to be room for ONE other platformer, right?

Selling a product in this genre that doesn't have a certain italian plumber is definitely a hard sell to the general public, and as much as you don't want to admit it, it's also a hard sell to you.
Most of us gave up hope on the platforming genre right after Super Mario 64, which I'm sure a great few of you agree to be the greatest platformer of all time. The question I have, is why? Is it because Sonic has slunk into a depression? Maybe you think it's because platformers are archaic.
But I beg you to believe me, Psychonauts ISN'T archaic, it's rejuvenated by a lack of giant mutant turtles and a stolen princess, it's made immeasurably better by the fact that you're playing as a main character that you actually like, not just some overweight italian fuck-up who eats mushrooms in his spare time. Not only is it not archaic, it's in fact the most modern platformer out there. And that even beats littleBIGPlanet.

#3: Theres a LOT to do. 
Collecting Figments, completing scavenger hunts, digging for arrowheads, clearing mental cobwebs, exploring the campgrounds, creating and finding PSI challenge markers, finding all of the hidden mental slideshows, collecting lost camper's brains and reaching Rank 100 are just the beginning of everything you can do. Everything is a blast to do and most of them are cleverly hidden and require actual thought to find, and all that adds up to a HUGE game that lasts around twenty-five hours.

#4:  Tim Schafer really deserved to have a hit. 
If you didn't know, Tim Schafer was one of the principal writers of the Monkey Island games, and if you've ever played The Secret of Monkey Island, you'd understand why I'm RAVING over the writing in Psychonauts. Tim Schafer and the other fine folks at Double Fine have yet to have a hit game, and you know what? I think they deserve it more than anyone out there. Double Fine? If you're reading, you're brilliant.

This guy is awesome

#5: The characters are all likable and deeper than you'd think. 

This is Linda, she's a hulking,giant lungfish from the bottom of lake oblongata,
the inside of her mind is a tiny metropolis thats filled with tiny versions of
herself. Also she has a romantic history with a talking  frog named Mr. Pokeylopes.

And Linda is only the beginning. There ends up being around a dozen minds you enter, and almost all of them have hidden areas where the specific character has a hidden or repressed memory that you have to help them deal with, and by the end of the game, you'll have fought all of their demons, lived their nightmares and made you and them stronger from it. I'd try to give you some sort of game that gave you a similar experience, but that's just it, theres absolutely nothing else like Psychonauts out there, and thats why you suck for not playing it.

Why The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is overrated.

Yes. You can hate me (Ollie) all you want, but I think that Ocarina of Time is overrated. Here are some reasons why. :J

Bad Graphics:
Yeah, the graphics are bland and tiring to look at, yet somehow, everyone, even today, seem to say these are near perfect graphics. See that picture above? That's how bad they are! :J

Worse Controls Than Others:

This is another thing that people seem to overrate. The controls are reliable to an extent, but they aren't nearly as great as the ones before and after it (Especially Wind Waker). And again, these controls are good, but arguably the worst in the series.

NAVI:

Okay, this isn't really a part that is overrated, but still bad. Navi, the little flying fairy that accompanies you, is extremely annoying. And this is sadly one of the only parts that receives the most critisism (Other than the Water Temple >:l).

Story:

Now, I've heard people say that OTHER Zeldas have stories that are unoriginal. But this one everyone seems to love! This is actually the typical Zelda story as you would expect it. It's that whole thing where a princess gets kidnapped by the main antagonist. This is the one most people would expect. So, basically, this story is overrated.

I can't think of anything else, but there is most likely more. So, yeah, this game is overrated.

(Wind Waker is best)

Ollie is here!

Ollie is the new author I was talking about earlier, he's going to do some really cool stuff for us, including a pretty cool article on The Legend of Zelda (IT'LL BE KICKASS), I hope y'all enjoy his writing.

A notice for the fans,

I NEED A NEW AUTHOR! 
To anyone interested, just IM me. There are a few rules to posting that I'll explain to the winner.
Also I love you all!

Happy We Hate Seagulls Day!

In honor of those killed on September 11th, please shoot a seagull!*

*don't actually shoot any of these sorry evil bastards.
We could get sued, so, Shoot. Wink. Seagulls.

Under the rainbow

Deathly shadows, raining pale, when justice don't and won't prevail. Stealing business, losing cash, fade of interest, bernie mac. Left field antics, to and fro, petty semantics, shining glow.
And this I know took me over and beyond the rainbow. 

Happiness, disquiet love, readiness and treasure troves. Desert valleys, oasis hills, sold rotten teeth to pay the bills. Distrustfulness, undying love, one little kiss to rise above.
And this I know took me over and beyond the rainbow.