Friday, July 23, 2010

I absolutely HATE rain

This post should be understandable if you're one of the millions of billions of people who have experienced the idiotic masterpiece known as rain. If you hate rain as much as I do, don't read on.
But, if you're one of the lucky few who have never experienced the freezing chill, deafening sound and unsavory smell of rain, I highly suggest you read on, and uncover the shrill, creeping, inevitable unpleasantness that is rain.

The unbearable, infinite sorrow that lies in the aftermath of rain.
As you all can tell from the inclosed picture, rain leaves behind as much chaos as there was while it was raining down from the clouds. This damp, cold, dirty tundra that we are forced to trudge through after every session of rain is actually worsened when you're trapped in the tiny claustrophobic box that is better known as a car. 

This should be avoided if possible. 
Also, the unbearable patter of rain on roofs everywhere has the truly despicable side-effects including, but not limited to; paranoia, blurry photographs, shiny eyes and wide-open mouths. 

Things I hate

  • Any kind of poop that doesn't come from a unicorn.
  • Not being able to post recently.
  • Walruses
  • Narwhals.
  • The ability to turn your tongue completely upside-down.
  • Realtors.
  • The name "Shane".
  • People who use air quotation marks as if to insinuate that you don't understand what they just said. 
  • Emo bastards.
  • People that speak using way too many codewords.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Pee Wee Herman on Funny or Die!

This video makes funny or die the best website EVER. Thats actually Paul Reubens on the camera! Its great to see the greatest performer of all time showing off his iPad.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Guess what? I'm evil

I took a walk around Jacksonville and saw several amazing statues and whatnot. You guys REALLY ought to see them. Oh? You want to see them? Too bad, I'm evil.

See? I'm evil

Me! (from today in my hotel room)

Because you demanded it (apparently)

The updated Awesometer

Yesterday, in order to show how amazing Keith Olbermann's mustache is the most awesome mustache in the history of mustaches, I broke out my magistrate approved, ultra-chunky, funky phresh Awesometer. I've come here today to show you...


The Awesometer 2.0!
As you can see, Cats sucks, Liam Neeson is a jedi knight and Jack Nicholson is still awesome

Thursday, July 1, 2010

I had a.... Full.... Day... Ish

Despite what I've said on the blog here to the contrary, Jacksonville has been pretty cool (if you like big, boring, foggy cities, this is the place to go!). Made almost enough posts to warrant a victory dance and I made a joke about the weird architecture in Jacksonville. I was unable to sleep in a hotel and now I'm laying on a bench with my netbook blogging these final words. 


Thank you, and good night

Why Keith Olbermann's mustache is the greatest mustache in the history of mustaches



As you can see, Mr. Olbermann's mustache from his days on ESPN is waaaaay off the chart

Mullet-Shaped Feathers

As you can tell, theres a lot of weird stuff in Jacksonville, But I feel this weird thing deserves its own post.
Business in the front, party in the back

We're in Jacksonville!


Its like San Fransisco, without the cool


Hello people! I should say that we're live in Jacksonville but, the post title kind've makes that obvious. I've realized that this place is VEEEEERY strange. For example, 

The joggers are made out of bronze.


Penis-shaped architecture


The hotel I couldn't afford


The hotel I could afford


The healing towels outside the hotel



Look out for more articles throughout the week on the freakiness of this strange town.