Do not under any circumstances perform any of the acts described below

Attempt to assassinate the king of a small village.
Sing praise to the Egyptian sun ghost or Space Ghost.
Marry an axe murderer.
Mispronounce any words found in the Necronomicon.
Trust anyone with the last name "Morgan".
Twist the Windex bottle caps halfway and then squirt them.
Name your first-born son Bickford Schmeckler.
Perform a spot-on impression of Sean Connery on live television while speaking to someone with the same first name as you.
Trust that walrus!

Trust me, bad things have happened to good people. 

The Axis of Satan

As you can tell from our many posts, we have a certain few grudges against certain.... groups.
These groups have become our enemies in highly varying ways, from killing a certain reporter's parents to stealing garbage and even causing 9/11.

"Seagulls were spotted right after the plane crashed. They were laughing and flapping those evil wings." ~ Rysmugen

In and around the blog, we've begun to refer to them as "The Axis of Satan", a name that inspires fear in the hearts of children and magicians everywhere, a name that strikes chaos into the heart of all the great cities and also New Jersey.

But never fear them, for they aren't even the worst of our nightmares, remember, there is always the walruses.

Things I hate

• Any kind of poop that doesn't come from a unicorn.
• Not being able to post recently.
• Walruses
• Narwhals.
• The ability to turn your tongue completely upside-down.
• Realtors.
• The name "Shane".
• People who use air quotation marks as if to insinuate that you don't understand what they just said. 
• Emo bastards.
• People that speak using way too many codewords.

My agenda and why you need to shut up and listen

As you can tell by now, I like fabricating complete LIES. This blog may not be funny to your friends but that might be because most of the comedy found here is in this site's complete incoherence to itself. This isn't a crazy person's blog (yet), this is a battle cry, this is a sign, and I leave you with this.

Who is dean?

He's apparently the only person with enough sense to follow this blog that was created yesterday! I think I know ONE thing about dean though... He's certainly not a walrus (maybe)

Three reasons why Walruses are not to be trusted

This is a list (the ladies LOVE lists) of the many reasons walruses are untrustworthy.

1) They actually CHOOSE to live in barren wastelands of frozen tundra

2) John Lennon was a walrus, and besides the whole "World Peace" thingie, he was a bit of a douche. He cheated on his wife and left his son to be raised without a father. Need I point out anything further? Yes, I should.

3) THEY HAVE SPOTS (sometimes)