Existentialism is a Pain

"Why are you all mocking me?"
"Who honestly gives a fuck"
"Thats just mean" 
"What do you mean? He's telling the truth. It should be obvious why we're mocking him."
"Wait a minute, I'm confused, why WERE we mocking him?" 
"I think it was because he was complaining that we weren't mocking him." 
"I think we were mocking him because he's a schmup."
"I'm not a-"
"Well, the fact that he was complaining about not being mocked while we were mocking each other may in fact make him a schmup by proxy."
"Because cowboy-hat Us is missing?"
"Bingo"
"But I dont have five in a row!" 
"SHUT UP, OLD WRINKLY US"
"All this existentialism is giving me a headache"
"Of course its giving YOU a headache" 
"Why would the Us with a thick Bronx accent be given a headache by existentialism?"
"He's new york Us? I thought he was drama queen actor Us"
"Hmmm.... You may be right, maybe we should ask him."
"Don't you think that asking him would be rude?"
"HELLO? I'M RIGHT HERE YOU SCHMUPS!" 
"Thats new york Us"
"Bingo"
"GODDAMMIT, YOU YOUNGSTERS, I STILL DON'T HAVE FIVE IN A ROW" 
"SHUT IT, SCHMUPPY WRINKLY OLD US!"
"YOU WILL RESPECT YOUR ELDERS SIR!"
"All this yelling is making my ears hurt!"
"SHUT UP WHINY EMO BASTARD US"
"YOU'RE NO SPRING CHICKEN, US WHO USES AGRESSIVE, STANDOFF-ISH COMEDY TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOUR INSECURITIES!"

I cant think of anything else to write

End-ish